Our local grocery chain, HyVee (we call it "HyPay", or "bigfuckinV"), just opened up a new store down the hill from us, and inside that store they have a Starbucks kiosk.
You'd think that would be a good thing, but the thing about these kiosks is that Starbucks has sold their soul to Marriott or whoever the local operator of food services is, in this case, HyVee itself, so the employees are not Starbucks employees, but HyVee employees.
About who works at HyVee: they tend to employ like 60% of any given town they reside in, and this includes students from age 14 up, as well as basically any retard you've got handy. And I don't use that term as an insult. I mean "retard" in the classic sense, not just "seemingly stupid person of probably average IQ". You'll find them all bagging or stocking at HyVee.
So moving back to the Starbucks kiosk at HyVee...
I walk in (after having received several not very good at all drinks from the other local competitor Caribou Coffee, see prev post) and order a Grande Iced Skinny Latte. I used to be married to a girl who was a manager at Starbucks back in the good old days: I know how to order my drinks with authority. As a result, I also know enough about coffee to be a snob, but I'm not as bad as some.
The cashier repeats my order very slowly to the barista, who is writing it on the side of a cup.
Grande...
Nonfat ...
Iced...
Latte.
Ok, so we have the order in. The barista turns to the cashier and says:
"A latte. That has expresso in it, right?"
I cancelled my order.
Does that make me a coffee snob after all?
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Monday, June 13, 2005
Why Hurricanes are better than Tornadoes
Again for, SouthernWench, why hurricanes are so much better than tornadoes. Stay away from Nebraska, no matter what they tell you drunken fools:
view image full size in new window
Hurricanes are slow. You can get out of the way. You can buy beer on the way out. You have days to plan.
Tornadoes just drop out of the sky and f*cking kill you. No beer. Game over.
I rest my case.
view image full size in new window
Hurricanes are slow. You can get out of the way. You can buy beer on the way out. You have days to plan.
Tornadoes just drop out of the sky and f*cking kill you. No beer. Game over.
I rest my case.
Thing One and Thing Two
Wow, it's been a two-blog worthy evening, lemme tell ya. This really almost should be posted on my friend SouthernWench's blog http://sirvansouthchick.blogspot.com/, but since that's hers and it's about stupid things people have said and these are merely funny, here goes:
Thing One
We were in the drive through at Caribou Coffee (Starbucks' local Northwoods competitor) and my man is driving, so he's the closest to the "order here" speaker. I read from the menu what I want as the barista crackles over asking us what we'd like. My man says "just a moment" to the barista and looks to me for my order. I tell him I'd like a "Medium Decaf Lite White Berry with Blueberry" (what is this?).
*COMPLETE BLANK LOOK OF HORROR* comes over his face.
Then he starts laughing and says firmly: "I am not ordering that."
"Is it too gay?" I ask. I know how men feel about frou-frou drinks.
"UmmmYEAH." he replies flatly. "I'm not ordering a 'gay white dingleberry with blue balls'" and in a tiny airy voice, he adds: "decaf".
So I yell my order from the passenger side of the car, laughing. By now the barista is laughing too, and we realize he's heard this entire exchange.
Gay white dingleberry with blue balls. Decaf.
You can't get that at Starbucks, buddy.
Thing Two
We are driving home from previous coffee incident and my man yells "Look! A kidnapper!"
I see on the sidewalk a man walking with a stroller and a young child. Looks like a normal family walk to me, no kidnapper van, no handcuffs, nothing fun at all. I look at my man quizzically.
"Look at what he's wearing." He advises me. "No woman would ever breed with a man who wore black socks with white tennis shoes. Especially not twice. Those are not his kids."
Laughing hysterically, I note that this poor fellow is indeed wearing with his shorts black crew socks with white tennis shoes.
:::::::::::::::::shudder::::::::::::::::
And you thought WOMEN were catty :)
At least we didn't get carded for root beer.
Thing One
We were in the drive through at Caribou Coffee (Starbucks' local Northwoods competitor) and my man is driving, so he's the closest to the "order here" speaker. I read from the menu what I want as the barista crackles over asking us what we'd like. My man says "just a moment" to the barista and looks to me for my order. I tell him I'd like a "Medium Decaf Lite White Berry with Blueberry" (what is this?).
*COMPLETE BLANK LOOK OF HORROR* comes over his face.
Then he starts laughing and says firmly: "I am not ordering that."
"Is it too gay?" I ask. I know how men feel about frou-frou drinks.
"UmmmYEAH." he replies flatly. "I'm not ordering a 'gay white dingleberry with blue balls'" and in a tiny airy voice, he adds: "decaf".
So I yell my order from the passenger side of the car, laughing. By now the barista is laughing too, and we realize he's heard this entire exchange.
Gay white dingleberry with blue balls. Decaf.
You can't get that at Starbucks, buddy.
Thing Two
We are driving home from previous coffee incident and my man yells "Look! A kidnapper!"
I see on the sidewalk a man walking with a stroller and a young child. Looks like a normal family walk to me, no kidnapper van, no handcuffs, nothing fun at all. I look at my man quizzically.
"Look at what he's wearing." He advises me. "No woman would ever breed with a man who wore black socks with white tennis shoes. Especially not twice. Those are not his kids."
Laughing hysterically, I note that this poor fellow is indeed wearing with his shorts black crew socks with white tennis shoes.
:::::::::::::::::shudder::::::::::::::::
And you thought WOMEN were catty :)
At least we didn't get carded for root beer.
Arubaiku
Poor Natalee...
I wouldn't listen
To a theory from someone
Who was named 'Twitty'
see the real news story here
I wouldn't listen
To a theory from someone
Who was named 'Twitty'
see the real news story here
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